06 July, 2007

Why does it Sting?

How is it that I feel rejected when I truly never had an interest in engaging from the beginning?

Rejection is a funny thing. I suppose that I, like others possibly, want to be found interesting, engaging, and attractive. But I don't find everyone all of these nor do I believe that I am all of these to everyone. Knowing this, I rarely feel rejected. Things just don't work. People move on. The world keeps right on spinning.

Then there is a guy who defies the male code of ethics. He is honest. Rather than telling me what he thought I wanted to hear, he told me what he felt, which was nothing.

"I am just not feeling it."

Stunned. I was literally stunned.

Don't get me wrong. I appreciate honesty. I think highly of a man who will speak his mind, hold nothing back, and ensures that I know how things are. I give the same in return. I was stunned because we had been chatting for less than five minutes when he said this. And because no one has ever said this to me face to face.

I wasn't interested. I didn't feel that "click" at any point during those first (less than) five minutes. In the end, I am probably grateful that his statement saved us both a lot of time an effort. Where as he was willing to make that snap decision, I was not. There is a part of me that just likes people, so I was willing to spend time with him and get to know him a bit as a person once removing him from the "sexy man" category.

Apparently he was not interested in getting to know one another .

So, why do I feel rejected? Is it because I see value in a person enough that it is not a waste of time to give them my attention for an hour? Or perhaps because he made a snap decision based upon, what? Or maybe it is because he said what I felt and have never had the nerve to say to anyone?

All the same, it stung - I know not why.


James said...

Five minutes? Seems pretty abrupt. It's hard to truly know someone after years - so what could someone possibly know after five minutes? Sounds like he was just a jerk, to be honest. "I'm not feeling it" sounds suspiciously like code for something else... I don't think this guy was as honest as he seemed at first blush!

Willow said...

It stung, because HELLO how could any one make that judgement in five minutes. You wouldn't, I wouldn't, most people wouldn't. It takes more than five minutes to decide if there is going to "be something" between two people.

My feelings would be hurt also. We're human, maybe this guy isn't. LOL

I would consider myself lucky to have a guy who is uninterested, tell me right off. At least this way you aren't wasting any of your time:)

JustRun said...

That's a pretty quick decision... that must be why it stung. The only good thing is that it will take less time for the sting to fade.

Croaker said...

A snap decision like that when you meet someone for coffee is rude. If you are willing to go out and meet a person you should be willing to invest an hour.

Mike said...

Well I think your better off without the jerk wad. I know pretty quickly where the women I am talking to is going to fall. However I like meeting people. If you don't fall into the dating box hey you might fall in the friend box and I have made many friends that way. When you blow off someone so fast it's just rude. You no longer have any value to that person. Jerk wad.

Matt said...

Oh, the commiseration! I'm feeling rejected, too, right now. i just climbed out of the tub... I've got beer cans floating in there right now.


cathouse teri said...

He disregarded you. He shrugged you off as if you were no more important than a bug, walking across the table. Not a threatening bug. Not even worth smashing. Not an interesting bug, worth jarring up and examining. Just ... *shrug*

He's a dorky dodo head. :)

The Exception said...

James - My conclusions were similar. It was an odd experience. There is a biological reaction one might have toward another person but, sometimes that develops over time as well. Less than five minutes wasn't long enough for anything, really.

Willow - It was just odd. The honesty that he wasn't interested was truly a good thing. It could have been a painful hour given he had such a strong opinion!

Just Run - Just like a shot - it stung and then it was over! It was a curious incident. One of those things that made me go "huh?"

Croaker - Hey there! An hour is not a lot of time out of a day to give to someone. It gives me enough time to discover that I truly wasn't interested in the person - or it can make me change my mind and discover that this person is interesting etc. He was rude.

Mike - I am definitely better off without him. It is nice to learn that there are men out there who or open to the idea of being friends with women even if there is "nothing else" going on!

Matt - What, dare I ask, are you doing sitting in a tub with beer? I mean, I know that things are a bit "different" within the Beltway, but seriously? Beer? ;)

The Exception said...

Teri - You flatter him!

Princess Banter said...

I so know what you mean! I've gone on interviews before (for jobs, etc) where I'm not even into it but I went anyway... and when I get rejected, I find myself taking it really personally. My friend likened it to "getting dumped by an ugly guy/girl" -- which I think is so true! Chin up, love... it stings our egos, but that's about it :)

Ba Doozie said...

he makes snap judgements based off carnal instincts, so much like many men. and women like to get to know someone before they hop in the sack where as guys are visual. I agree with what catty said

Bre said...

I think for me - I always want them to want me so that I have to do the rejecting. But if they reject me? Well there goes the old self-esteem!

Scotty said...

FIVE MINUTES? I think thats a bit ridiculous. I mean, how much can you know about someone in that short of time? I think there is a difference in honesty, and just giving something a chance longer than 5 minutes.

surfercam said...

I think honesty is always good.

Seven Seas said...

Honesty may be the best policy, but tact is important also. Forget him, apparently not worth your time.

Could be the sting comes from the old wanting what we can't have mentality. You were not feeling it, but the second he said that he moved into the can't have column.

2xA+r0n said...

If it only took five minutes, it's prolly best you don't know why he made such a snap-decision. That would really sting...

The Exception said...

Princess Banter - exactly. I have had those interviews as well. You know nothing clicked and yet a part of you is still surprised that you didn't get the job. This was kind of that way.

Ba Doozie - Teri summed it up nicely.

Bre - ah, the fragile ego - better to be the dumper than the dumpee.

Scotty - Thankfully you aren't like this guy - I can tell by what you write on your blog.

Surfercam - Honesty is so important but there is something to be said for tact as well. I do appreciate his honesty.

Seven seas - I am actually surprised I didn't consider that reasoning as, after he said it, I noticed a shift in my own behavior. A "game" mentality I suppose. Kind of like "Oh yeah, we'll see about that!"

I didn't do anything though but say good-bye.

2xA - Yeah, I probably don't want to know though not because it would sting but because I am sure he had some kind of issue that would have been a complete turn off etc! ;)