Most interesting.
But, given that I am a man. A man that has no interest in other men in any sort of sexual context. Let me skip past the obvious questions I'm sure the ladies will ask. Instead let me ask the less obvious questions.
If one has a goal in life to be such a man, exactly what would one have to do to achieve that goal? I have always wanted to be the sort of person who upon leaving a room, business or group wants to leave things better than when I arrived. I want people to be happier about themselves and their situation, what ever it is. I love to leave people with a smile and maybe a laugh.
Another just as important question is do others see you as the same sort of person as this man? The sort of person that inspires others to feel more confident about themselves when you leave? While we've never met or spoken, I get the idea that perhaps you are.
Lastly, I wonder exactly how one knows if they are that sort of person. Can any of us know for sure if we inspire others to great things? Sometimes people will tell us. That is a wonderful feeling. But I suspect just as often we'll never know.
TAG
I have been considering how best to answer the questions; whether I can actually answer them. I will do the best I can knowing that a better answer might come from one of you!
The first question posed: If one has a goal in life to be such a man, exactly what would one have to do to achieve that goal? For this one, I have to concur with Kat and Teri - confidence is the key... though it isn't a complete answer.
People are drawn to confident people. Truly confident people. These are people who do not have to try and be more than they are or different than they are... They have no need to "show off" or to draw attention to themselves. They are simply confident in who they are and able to accept others for who they are.
Which might be another part of the answer - acceptance of others - recognition and respect for them as individuals.
Perhaps thee other factors are less controllable - one's physiological reaction to another, the attitude of the other person, personality differences, and even the general environment.
Another just as important question is do others see you as the same sort of person as this man? The sort of person that inspires others to feel more confident about themselves when you leave? This is a question I wish I could answer!
I am intrigued by the way others perceive me. I have an impression of how they see me based on their reaction or my behavior toward them, but most of the time I feel completely clueless. I don't spend a lot of time worrying about it. I am, in the end, who I am and can not always control another's perception... but there are times when I do wonder what it would be like to have another person's perception of me. In this I mean, I suppose, an out of body experience!
I would hope that people sense that I am comfortable in my own skin and non-judgmental, so they might feel more comfortable being themselves when in my company. But do they have that impression? This I don't know.
I know that men seem to be able to sit and talk to me for hours on pretty much any subject, but I can't say the same for women, But I do not think that I leave men feeling more masculine or confident in being a man. I am not soft, delicate, vivacious...I am fiercely independent, responsible, a bit eclectic, and not always predictable. Sure, I am confident in my abilities (and in my assets, but don't tell Scotty and Aaron I said that) but I think that there are other factors that play into how others feel when they are around me.
I have to wonder how much of it is about a level of chemistry (not necessarily attraction) and individual personalities?
Lastly, I wonder exactly how one knows if they are that sort of person. Can any of us know for sure if we inspire others to great things? Sometimes people will tell us. That is a wonderful feeling. But I suspect just as often we'll never know. On this, I agree with TAG's conclusion. Even if we try to inspire someone, the chances are that their inspiration, if it comes, will be derived from something else or from within themselves. By living our lives to the best of our abilities, we may inspire others - whether it be through our over all behavior or this or that gesture or action along the way.
Sadly, we often move through our lives with little knowledge of the positive we have created in the lives of others. At times I have made an effort to tell people when they have had such an impact on my life. It isn't always easy. I think of the little things that have added something to my life; those little gestures that are largely unrecognized and yet, make a difference.
Such is my attempt to offer a thoughtful response to TAG's questions. What are your thoughts on the matter?
5 comments:
There are a lot of questions here :)
Confidence. Amazingly enough, I didn't used to be so confident about myself or my abilities. Then, I saw the light, and realized that I am who I am. No one can change me but myself. I should be proud of who I am and what I do. Since then I have noticed a change in what people think about me. Most notably, I think, is that a lot of people think I know more than I actually do.. scary. I think its all about accepting yourself.
Inspiring others. I agree that you can't expect to know who all you have inspired throughout your life. Inspiration can be given to someone by doing as little as smiling, by doing as much as saving a life. I think that the combination of the big inspirations and little inspirations can define how inspiring we are, although I think a little inspiration can sometimes be as significant as a big one. As far as how we know it... well it comes in different forms. Sometimes an off-hand comment, sometimes a 'he said, she said', sometimes they tell you themselves.
I have had people tell me I have inspired them to do something, and I admit it feels good. Although something I keep near and dear to myself, is something a boss wrote about me. I keep it, and I admit every once in a while I take a look at it to remind myself I am more capable than I think.
"Superb mentor and role model... a natural leader... other [people at work] aspire to be like him... I am unable to adequately describe how much he has meant to [job]."
Methinks you are baiting the boys work in more talk about your "assets." But I'm not falling for it this time!
er, wait a sec...
I think TAG's questions were very good ones. And your answers... of course, exceptional.
No, confidence is not the full answer. The other things you mention are involved. A good sense of humor seems to be crucial. In the sense of being a good sport and being clever. Intelligence is attractive and only the intelligent can deliver the clever and dry wit.
But as you say, none of this is something you can TRY to be.
Comfortable in your own skin. Approachable. Giving off good vibes (both sexual and otherwise).
I find that many people, male and female, want to spend time with me because I'm easy to be with. I make them feel comfortable and never make them feel inadequate.
And then they wanna keep me. ;)
Thank you Exceptional Lady for responding to the questions your Friday post generated. I'm glad you found them worthy of further consideration.
One of the things I learned long ago is organizations where the leader does all the work won't last long. A real leader has to be able to inspire others to do/be more than they knew they could do/be. I wasn't always successful but everyone involved in a project knew they and their effort was important. It comes back around to not only confidence in yourself; but, confidence in those around you.
That may be the real key to inspiring others. Find good people, give them the tools they need to succeed and then get the heck out of the way. Giving responsibility and having confidence they will succeed can be a powerful combination. Sadly too often I've also seen those situations where managers suck the life out of a business or organization by not showing any trust. (Those of us who are a bit anal about making double sure things are going well find ways of checking behind someone without them really knowing we have.)
Hope all have a great week.
TAG
Good points, TAG. Can't be applied to the man/woman thing, though.
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