02 October, 2007

Where Does The Power Lie?

On Saturday Wombat wrote about the Pill.  I suggest that you read this original post.  He offers an interesting topic for discussion. 
 
Throughout history, tales have been told of women using sex as a means of achieving power, knowledge, control, or to destroy this or that man.  With or without the pill, sex is a sword that some women can handle with great skill. 
 
Women continue to have the ability to use sex today.  Perhaps the pill has allowed women to think less about the  physical consequences of their actions, in turn allowing great flexibility and less discrimination.  Theoretically, a woman sees a man she wants, she has the power to win that man (for a night) if she so desires - especially if she thinks that she is protected. 
 
My question is, do women truly have such power?  Is that power part of being a woman or is it something that Men give us?
 
I would argue that it is the latter. 
 
A woman can only use sex as an implement of power when there is attraction and chemistry involved.  Even then, a man can easily exercise his ability to say no. 
 
Telling a woman "no" when she is attempting to use sex is exercising power that destroys the feminine ego, if only for a moment.  Women are left doubting their looks, ability, sexuality, desirability, and the attraction at large. 
 
When a woman is denied in the face of the job, sleep, the guys, the game... who holds the power?
 
I know that there are women who use sex to win fortune, fame, and status... but I am not convinced that they have this power due to sex.  They have this power because the man involved wants something in return; something that having that woman in his life provides.
 
There are also women who use sex to manipulate or to reward men.  I believe that men can see through such ploys, either choosing to exercise their ability to say no or opting to ignore the game being played.   
 
Perhaps I am naive about sex and the power women have over men because of it.  Men, like women, have the ability to say no.  Or Perhaps I simply give men more credit then they deserve.  I do not believe that men will sleep with anyone who offers them the opportunity.  I do not believe that they will take everything and anything they can get whenever they can get it.  I like to think, and correct me if I am wrong, that men are not blinded by desire and sexuality - that they might wear beer goggles every now and again, but... that sex does not control them. 
 
 
*Throughout history men have exercised control over sex - this post intentionally does not address that aspect of sex and power.

11 comments:

JustRun said...

"A woman can only use sex as an implement of power when there is attraction and chemistry involved."
Up until a few years ago, I would have agreed with this. But in a previous job, I worked with some women that did not need attraction or chemistry to use sex to get what they wanted. Apparently, some women can work that way. It was ugly and sad, but it was true.

I agree with you- I wouldn't say all men are ruled by sex, either. I know that wouldn't be accurate. More accurate, I think, is that they're ruled by sexuality itself. Attractive people, in general, are more appealing. Which I think applies to men and women.

This isn't all I have to say, but I don't want to ramble forever in your comments. :)

Unknown said...

Men have the ability to say "no", but not the inclination.

On balance, I think any one woman's ability to use her whiles is greater than any one man's ability to overcome the power they give her.

And that goes for people in marriages as well as the hook-up folks.

I like the way you've analyzed this EO.

The Exception said...

Just Run - Comment away. I think that there are many nuances to this issue. I have seen women use sexuality in such a way that I often do not know if men realize that it is being used - women can see it immediately. There are probably various follow up posts on this issue.

Wombat - Now this statement is interesting - "On balance, I think any one woman's ability to use her whiles is greater than any one man's ability to overcome the power they give " Explain, please.

Anonymous said...

Shoot, every time I've tried to say "no," all I heard was ... "you would if you loved me..."

As a teenager, of course.

I do know women who withhold sex as a way to "punish" her hubby or lover. Huh??? Who exactly is being punished?

But let's face it, our society sexualizes women, period, so it's no wonder that there is an assumption that women hold the sexual power. To a certain extent it's true. Yet there are enough men out there who are turned off by sexually aggressive women. Gosh, I really hope I don't run into too many of them!

Anonymous said...

I am a victim (victim?, eh . . .) of a woman (wife) who withheld sex as a means of punishment. Now she wonders if I'm doing something "on the side" Hmmm. Cause/effect?

Of course, I've been wondering if this "on the side" is using sex to permanently tempt me away from the matrimonial bed of inactivity. (Of course she is)

Now I'm wondering where I'll end up, and why. Is great sex, good conversation, solid companionship and great sex worth more than a 26+ year relationship that has been struggling for the last 10 years, and wrestling with raging alcoholism for the last 4?

If you know the answer, tell me, cause I'm freaking dying to know.

Anonymous said...

poor men!!! we are so hard done by.
in general, men do tend to want sex more than women, and therefore
it is women who have the POWER. (in some relationships it can be vice versa, but most are this way)

i don't necessarily think my wife withholds sex as a power ploy, but she is simply not 'up for it' as much as i am.

having been with her for 15+ years, you would think i would have come to terms with it, but i feel crushed every time she knocks me back. Sexually speaking, she has me like a puppy on a string.

Scorpy said...

A woman can only use sex as an implement of power when there is attraction and chemistry involved. Even then, a man can easily exercise his ability to say no.
We ARE talking about Men here right? When it comes to Sex I defy any Man to 'easily' say NO and Women do not necessarily require Attraction and Chemistry as they are only needed if the man makes the move but if the woman offers then the former are negated. At our base level, men are still male and I do appreciate that this is a generalisation. I would hope that I could say no but from past experince I may not be able to ;)

Unknown said...

All I meant is that it's one of those shades of grey things. The balance between men losing their head and having sex when they probably shouldn't is finely weighted, but the pull of the woman is strong enough to tip the balance more often than not.

And wiles too. Dear oh dear.

Somehow I failed to communicate what I really wanted to with that post. The discussion is interesting nevertheless.

Thanks for continuing the inquiry into these matters, EO.

Ryan said...

Excellent observation... but I would wager a guess that sex controls men. Maybe inadvertently, or not. Yes, men have the ability and power to say no but the only reason they would say 'no' is to gain power or even respect in a different manner, but to ultimately have sex with that woman. Obviously I can't speak on behalf of all men with that statement, but that's my take on it.

Men are crafty, because they learn from women. Women need to be careful what they teach us.

The Exception said...

Kat - I have a feeling that the number of men who do not like sexually aggressive women is quite low, no worries.

This issue of reward and punishment interests me greatly though. I think another post is in the works.

Brian - Now that is tough. Sex is, for men and women, a double edged sward. Not to mention, we are best served to consider the consequences of our actions!


LB - Maybe she would like some Pheromones? Or maybe you could wear them and see if there is a difference in her libido? This might be just the test I was seeking!

Scorpy - I find this intriguing. Are you suggesting that, on average, men will take what is offered even if they do not find the woman attractive?

Ok, Wombat - given what Scorpy just wrote, I have no doubt that I can convince him to do that reading for you. Just name a time and place! ;)

What was the message you were attempting to communicate? I found your topic quite interesting - but then again, sex might be on my mind of late! ;)

Ryan - I am left wondering how many women are truly aware of this male weakness? Are we aware of it and simply do not exploit it as often as we could?

I do agree though - women need to watch what they do as men can be taught new tricks despite appearances to the contrary.

cathouse teri said...

Men very rarely say no when a woman offers what she has to give. It's not always sex. Sometimes it's companionship. Warmth. Lots of things women have that ment want.

But man or woman, it's wrong to use the things you have to get what you want from others.

Men of integrity won't fall for it. Sadly, very few men possess this quality.

And very few women.