Complements are an interesting concept. It is always nice to receive them; they make everyone feel good. But are their relationships or conditions in which a complement is more easily accepted or that it, more than stated by another, leaves us glowing?
I seem to have a vibe this week, as male attention has been mine for the taking. Monday it was the cable technician, this morning it was a guy at the coffee shop, a few days ago it was a guy who informed me that I didn't need to exercise, I already look great. (To which I responded, Exercise is how that happens!) I am enjoying this while it lasts, as I know that it will change at some point. I will return to my normal, unapproachable self and life will continue as usual!
However, it has given me pause. Why do these complements, from complete strangers, stand out in my mind? Why is it that they, above and beyond similar statements from those who know me, bring a smile that finds its way on to my face throughout the day?
I am not unfamiliar to complements about my appearance. I don't put much effort into it, but I do receive complements - the kind that many of us receive... you look nice today, that sort of thing. They come from people who know me - friends and those close to my heart. I know that they are stated with genuine sincerity and are not about anything but stating the truth. I can not say the same about complements received from strangers.
I grew up in a house that paid little attention to physical appearance beyond ensuring that we were dressed appropriately for this and that occasion - or the "You're wearing that?" and "Comb your hair..." I was never told that I was attractive, just as I was never told that I wasn't. Physical appearance was not an issue.
In my house, I am very generous when it comes to complements with my Diva. She needs to hear that she is attractive, cute, absolutely adorable etc - just as she needs to hear that she is amazing, talented, loving, generous, kind, brave, healthy, fit.... I believe that kids need to receive recognition for who they are - physically and mentally. They need to feel confident and secure on all levels. That said, I do not go over the top - all I need is a kid who relies upon her looks over anything and everything else that she brings to the table! ;)
I suppose that, because of my upbringing, I am a bit skeptical of complements. I do not know that I take them to heart to the point that I should or could. I love hearing them from those who care about me - but I also know that they see me as a person - through accepting lenses which blur the few white hairs (yes, they are white, not gray or silver, but white) or the extra pound here and there.
The stranger, on the other hand, might have other intensions, but the comment is based upon what is seen. His notions are blurred only by objective.
3 comments:
Compliments from strangers are the ones that I remember the most myself. I am not going to say that I have been taking advantage of any compliments such as my new haircut and every woman I work with say "wow what nice haircut", but from co-workers I just treat that as just everyday conversation-nothing to store as something "special" in my brain.
Yet, the last compliment that I remember was the time that me, mom, dad and brother went out to eat-service was excellent and so forth. I picked up the bill, left over 25% and then we left. Moments later the waitress actually came out running out to compliment & thank me for the tip.
This compliment still stands out to me, but has no deep meaning, except I may have made her night which in turn has made me remember this compliment probably to the day I die.
And yes - I am smiling remembering this moment.
First off - excellent response to the exercise comment! I must remember that...
Second - I think compliments from strangers stand out the most because they have no rhyme or reason, or underlying loyalty to us, that would validate the compliment. What I mean is - they don't HAVE to compliment us, so when they do, it must mean that something about you stood out enough for a stranger to stop and notice.
I love being that stranger with a nice word. I love the idea of being able to do something that takes no real time and costs nothing. I love the feeling that I can do magic.
Think about it. Isn't it like magic when out of nowhere someone you don't even know can brighten your day.
It goes back to the points made in your post on the gentleman from work. The one who made you feel better about everything by doing little more than just showing up.
Being that gentleman and handing out genuine compliments to strangers are very much related.
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