"What are you going to have put on the cake?"
I didn't answer. I know that my mom has something in mind and have no idea what to say. I was thinking, Happy Birthday [Diva] but...
"I was just wondering if you had thought about putting eldest nephew's name on it as well?"
Silence on my end. This is clearly an idea that my mom did not discuss with my dad before talking to me nor is my dad asleep as he comes to my rescue.
The truth is, I had not considered it. Due to the Diva having a birthday just before Christmas, I go out of my way to ensure that she has a birthday; that it does not get lost in Christmas as I have heard happens from time to time. While I make sure her birthday is special, the Diva feels badly for her cousin and shares her birthday (by choice) with him. She has always done this. You see, his birthday is Christmas.
When he was born, my brother and his wife thought it was the greatest thing in the world. I don't know that they ever stopped to consider how difficult it might be for them and for him. For many years, he just didn't have a birthday. His brothers have birthdays with cakes and presents and a day for themselves. He just doesn't.
For many reasons, he probably handles this better than would many kids (including mine.) He is home schooled, so doesn't spend much time with kids in general. His parents are ministers, so the community in which he is associated is actually quite small. There aren't parties for birthdays and big celebrations for any of the kids... but they still get their own day.
So me, being the crazy aunt that I am (and I am seriously crazy!) started sending him a birthday present on his half birthday in June. Each year, he gets a gift when no one else does. he gets, even if it is just for a few minutes, something special; something that is just about him.
My brother hated this - and probably still isn't that thrilled about it. My sister-in-law thought it was great... so at least I have a fan on the inside! It wouldn't matter though as I am the crazy aunt and can get away with doing crazy things!
Having 2 birthdays at Christmas has been a challenge for my family in general. We all feel badly for my nephew. We all want to give him his moment in the spotlight. But there is only so much we can do. There is only so much we should do.
This year, the Diva wanted to rock climb - so I am taking the oldest boys and the Diva to the gym to climb. She is so excited. They will all get celebratory T-shirts (party favors?) to celebrate their day on the rocks. The Diva will most likely share her birthday lunch singing etc with her cousin. For all intensive purposes, the day will be a double birthday - his and hers. But... she will open presents and it will be her cake. At the end of the day, it is her birthday.
For my nephew, his birthday will be spent driving from wherever in New Mexico to San Antonio, Texas. There won't be a cake. There probably won't be presents as they are traveling...
Maybe I should call the bakery back and order him a cake after all... his own cake...
7 comments:
Perhaps a cake awaiting in San Antonio. Something to consider anyway.
Also, when I was reading the first part about Christmas birthday I thought, so celebrate the half day in June. It was no surprise to see you thought of it also.
Happy Birthday to the diva (and her cousin).
TAG
My sister's is on the 19th and my cousin Chrissy's is on the 24th. They will both tell you that December birthdays are incredibly hard - it's lovely that you do something special for the Diva an you're very right - it should be just for her!
I never thought of having a "half day" celebration for a December birthday child! Cool and it does give that one a "day in the sun" then. The ordering a cake though sounds like a nice touch to at least show him he's remembered.
Every kid should have a birthday that's just his/hers. I mean, isn't Christmas a celebration of a birth? So, why not have a party and cake for him close enough but not so far from the actual date? Adults should be able to see the importance of that; his friends won't even care — it's just another reason to play and have cake!
When he gets older, he'll better appreciate (or, more likely, accept) combo birthdays — you know, the more the merrier.
After all, it's the only day that's really "his." I guarantee he'll always look back with some sadness that no one else saw it as special enough ...
I could see how a birthday could get lost amongst the holidays... and I REALLY like the idea of the half-birthday you celebrate :)
I love that half-birthday idea. That is SO great of you to do that, and your nephew will remember it.
Happy Birthday to the Diva, and to her cousin, too!
TAG - The Diva says thanks. She loves her birthday!
Bre - I have heard that a birthday before Christmas is better than one just after... but it is hard all the same. I do all I can to make hers special!
Jeni - I had never heard of the half birthday either... until I found out I was due Christmas eve... suddenly I was looking for ideas and talking to peple. There are actually lots of people who do the half birthday.
Kat - I think everyone needs a day too... but his parents don't see it like that. I don't understand their thinking, but have to accept it all the same. Still, I am the crazy aunt which allows me some flexibility! ;)
Scotty - It is perhaps easy to keep the birthday from the holiday celebration when they are little... it is when they get combo gifts and everyone else gets two gifts that it becomes an issue... or when the birthday is just... forgotten!
JR - I like giving him that special day... maybe next June I will go all out and give him a cake. He is a special kid and needs to be celebrated too!
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