Traditions

The holidays, for me, revolve around the Nutcracker and travel.  At one point I aspired to decorate, bake, and even have a tree.  But sometimes things don't work out the way we plan.  

 

Christmas was always a fun time for me as a kid.  If I disregard the stress monster that took the form of my mother for the period between Thanksgiving and Christmas, the season was all bout happiness and joy.  

 

I remember tracking through the snow in in an attempt to find the perfect Christmas tree.  Each winter my dad would get a tree permit for my grandmother and us.  We would then pick a weekend, bundle into heavy coats, pack a picnic of sorts, and drive 45 minutes or so into the mountains (through the snow) to find the tree.  

 

There were times when we got stuck.  

 

Another year we did it on cross country skis.  

 

In all cases, it was an adventure and loads of fun.  

 

Beyond the adventure to find the tree, there was baking - lots of baking.  The house was always filled with wonderful smells.  There were fires crackling while warming and brightening the house.  My mom and I would gather the boxes to be wrapped and sit in front of the fire on the floor and lose ourselves amidst wrapping and ribbons and tape.  

 

Christmas eve was always Mexican food with all the grandparents at our house.  My family doesn't have a drop of Mexican blood, but our dinner was always Mexican (and still is if my family hosts).  Often we would play a game and then open one gift.  

 

I remember not being able to sleep until I had snuck out of bed to inspect the stockings.  Even though I was always the first one up, and we opened stockings and gifts prior to breakfast, I had to know what Santa had left before I slept.  My brother, on the other hand, slept right through the whole thing!

 

In the morning there were presents and hot drinks, then breakfast.  The day would be spent smelling dinner cooking while playing games and enjoying all that had been received.  

 

Then my grandparents aged and no longer felt safe traveling up the mountains for Christmas.  Around the same time my dad's mom died and the Diva was born... and Christmas changed.  

 

There is no longer a fresh tree, no longer the smell of baking, no longer the joy and laughter of children opening gifts.  No one sneaks to see what Santa left - in fact, I didn't even get to play Santa until two years ago.  The Diva spends her Christmas in a hotel with her stocking hung at my grandparents.  The Diva is often, the only child under the age of 35 at the family gatherings.  

 

Christmas has aged as the family has aged.  The youngest members of the family (of whom the Diva is the eldest) stay at home or do not come to the family Christmas.  They want to celebrate in their own homes.  (or in Texas on vacation - my brother)

 

Christmas has changed; it has aged and matured.  It is nothing like I ever expected it to be.  

 

Each year I think, "I will do it differently.  I will get the little tree.  I will decorate.   I will even bake."

 

But when the holidays arrive, my life is turned upside down.  IT is all I can do sometimes to get the packages wrapped and shipped so that they will arrive on time for the celebration.  We are swept up in the spirit of the Nutcracker and the performances.  Once they are over, life is about preparing to leave for the holidays.  

 

Never have I appreciated my traditional Christmas more than now... I wonder what Christmas traditions the Diva is forming?  I wonder if, when she is older, she will look back on the season with the fond memories that fill my mind this time of year?  I hope that she will see that her holidays are about family and love - the importance of being together.