I Need a Wife

...or a husband who stays at home, it really doesn't matter.  I just need that stable force at home to ensure that things continue to roll as my world rocks!

 

(Okay, I actually prefer a stay at home dad kind of thing... - you know, because of the benefits!)

 

"That Guy" sent me an e-mail yesterday.  he had just returned from a trip to Hanoi with his wife and excitedly mentioned that they will be returning to the land of cowboys and women with big hair next summer once their deployment has ended. 

 

I am thrilled that he will be back in the states - just a phone call away.  I have missed him noticeably this past week.  Since our meeting in grad school, he has been one of the few to which I turn when things are weighing on my mind or happening in my life.  He is often the voice of the male perspective, is always good for a laugh, and continually reminds me that it is completely possible for men and women to be friends.  Of course, He is also great for a nice heated discussion regarding world affairs - he voices his opinion with great enthusiasm.  I listen patiently and hope that one day he will see the error of his ways!  ;)

 

So his return to the states - even if he is returning to a state that believes it is its own country, is good news.  

 

Yet, his short e-mail left me feeling a bit sad.  

 

Was it because he was in Hanoi - a city I long to visit?

Because he was taking a vacation with someone he loves - or just a vacation in general?

 

I think that it was more the entire concept of his reality.  In grad school we were kind of a group of three - two guys and me.  One of our number is now a flight attendant with a new baby and a wife that stays home.  "That Guy" has moved through the ranks of a government agency (no, not that agency) and has found great professional success.  He has two kids - a wife that stays at home and ensures that everything works and stays on track... and he is happy. 

 

And then there is me...

 

I have now been given the green light to pursue a career I found and passionately fell in love with in graduate school.  I am thrilled to have this opportunity and yet... and of course there is a but... I am feeling extremely overwhelmed with the details, the instability, the life changes that will occur. 

 

In my heart of hearts, I know that it will work.  I know that I will make it work.  But... right now I am feeling that grief that comes with change.  I am feeling the weight of choices that have been and must be made. 

 

I wonder how single parents do it - stay involved and yet deal with the issues of a commute, find the money for help,... how they make it work.  

 

I wonder if it would be easier if I had someone at home - someone to keep the boat afloat as we traverse the rapids?  

 

But then again, were there someone at home... well, I would not be where I am today and this would all be mute.  

 

perhaps what I really miss is that friendship that is about support and laughter and that has no emotional investment in the situation other than simply being my friend.