or can he?
This is the question I pondered after a discussion with a friend a few weeks ago. Having dated the same person for nearly a year, he is still unsure as to whether or not she is "the one."
The man is in his late thirties, has been married before, and seems to know what he wants. Based upon these things, I was a bit surprised that he was still not sure if he wanted to marry this woman.
He said that he is just not sure. They have lots and lots of sex. He is trying to hurry through the "in love" period (which can last two years or more depending on the couple) so that he can see how things are during the rocky period; how things are when they aren't jumping one another whenever they are together.
I asked if he had considered stepping back from the physical, just a tad, and spending more time together while clothed?
I am not of one mind when it comes to premarital sex. When both people are adults, I believe that the decision needs to be one that the two make as a couple; their relationship, their decision. I have to admit that I do start to wonder about the workings of a relationship that seems to be dominated by the physical. Like when Jay happily informed me that while spending a long weekend on a tropical island, they enjoyed sex 10 times in the four days they were there.
Was there really nothing else to do?
Don't get me wrong, I like sex as much as most any man out there (or woman)... I like spending time with a person in conversation or experiencing new things as well. They build the relationship and the intimacy in very different and enjoyable ways. Each aspect of the relationship is important.
But I wonder, can the friendship, trust, and non-physical intimacy develop when the majority of the relationship is spent having sex?
11 comments:
Sex is like glue. It bonds you to another person. When you're unsure some abstinence is good to see what is truly missing in the relationship.
What I see is that most people push the sex to feel loved and accepted, but fail to realize it's just sex.
short answer? no
I'm no whiz at math, but here's how I see it:
24 hours a day x 4 days = 48 hours.
a good sex session = 1 hour (or more!)
a quickie = 20 minutes
a second "rising" after a good sex session = 15 minutes
Assuming half of their 10 times were good sessions, that would equal 5 hours.
Assuming the other 5 times were a mix of quickies and second risings, that would equal another 1.25 hours
So, we're talking about 6.25 hours (give or take) or lovemaking in a 48-hour period.
Plenty of free time.. ;-)
"But I wonder, can the friendship, trust, and non-physical intimacy develop when the majority of the relationship is spent having sex"
Anything is possible, but I don't think it's likely.
Mike - That's it. What do you find once the sex isn't there?
Kathryn - Agreed!
Kat - Although this guy is into quickies... they weren't quickies. He thinks there is too much sex but isn't up to stopping or cutting back.
JACC - I don't think so either, but what do I know.
TE, this is a hard one(excuse the pun)as sex can really help bond a couple, and often smooth over edges that talking cant..having said that though, for me there has to be mental compatability, and a similar sense of humour, or I get disinterested pretty quickly, mind you, I did hang out with a guy for 2 years, who I had no mental compatability with at all, simply because he was so damn sexy and good looking.It constantly distracted me.
Granted sex is an extremely important part of most relationships (I am giving the benefit of the doubt here that to a few it may not carry that much weight.) But it is NOT the end all, do all, be all in terms of something of sustenance. It is heat, passion, excitement, relaxation, and much more too but if you don't also have something beyond that, you have nothing to hold you over the long haul. Yeah, I'm such an expert at this subject too ya know -married once, for all of 8 years and that ended 28 years ago. What the hell do I know anyway? Trust me on this one though, cause I know I'm right. Just ask my ex-husband who is as I write this gearing up to marry #5. Slow learner, he is.
Yet another great reason why it should wait until after you're committed to a person. If I were to take your word on it, it sounds like this one [relationship] is doomed.
If that wasn't a retorical question. I rarely jump into sex fast. When I have and gotten to this point I've had great sex, but relationship wise there isn't much there. You get what you pay for.
Hmm..it does happen. I don't think there are any rules one way or another. People can be very complicated.
Some can live on it by itself, but why not want more?
Love the new header pic :)
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