16 May, 2008

Fulfilling Needs

"Do you think a woman can truly have a man to fulfill her sexual needs without being committed?"
The key to this question, upon further reflection, was the word "committed."
I do think that there are times and places in which there needs to be no commitment in order for "needs" to be fulfilled.  Additionally, there are women who do not want or need commitment, of any sort or at any time, but they do have needs. 
However, in the end, I can really only speak for myself. 
In my case, there has to be a commitment for it to really be a fulfilling experience.  Yes, my body says otherwise from time to time, but... in the end, I need, moreover I want, a commitment. 
But... and this is big...that commitment doesn't necessarily mean a relationship or a marriage or anything of the sort. 
For me that commitment needs to be about trust and honesty - more a friendship of sorts or a committed respect for one another.
Thus, I answered his question:
I suppose that a man can fulfill a woman (I truly believe that) but I think that there has to be something mental involved as well for the woman to be truly fulfilled.  I am sure that not all women are like this, but for me, the mind has to be engaged.  There doesn't have to be a commitment or a relationship, per say... but there has to be a trust and an honesty between the two. 
So an FWB works for me if those elements exist.    But perhaps I am an exception?  I do find that there are FWB relationships between men and women that are more passionate, intimate, and honest, than marriages.  I find this to be incredibly sad.  Should I marry (which, believe it or not, is not out of the question if I am ever discovered by some daring and amazing guy... you know, he has to find the diamond in the rough kind of thing!) I would want that relationship to be all about honesty and intimacy.  I would want that man to be my friend with benefits!  ;)


Crazy Computer Dad said...

Well thought out and well said. I've had relationships with honesty, but not true intimacy and vice versa. Neither are ultimately fulfilling. I couldn't have said it any better really. ;)

Tiny said...

Occasional fling might seem fun (not my type of thing though) but I don't think I would truly enjoy intimacy unless I am in a committed relationship.

I have been thinking about friends with benefit. I was tempted to try this but I don't think it would work for me. I would be upset if we have this FWB relationship and he ends up dating other women.

KennethSF said...

I think the friends with benefits setup works best when both parties involved are fully apprised of the terms--whether an emotional commitment is expected, whether it's expected to evolve into something else or dissipate over time, whether the two involved are free to keep looking for potential mates, and so on.

If the so-called friends are not on agreement on those terms, one is likely to get hurt sooner or later.

The Exception said...

CCD - The intimacy and honesty or key. Can't imagine anything working without them.

Tiny - It works for some at sometimes but each has to be open and honest. For an FWB to work, there has to be communication regarding expectations. If it isn't there... it doesn't work.

Kenneth - I couldn't agree more!

Single Mom Seeking said...

You are are not an exception!

I'm wired the same way. I have enough trust issues as it is, so if I'm intimate with someone, trust is key. Also, if I'm not connecting emotionally and intellectually with a man, it's challenging for me to connect physically.

Great post.

Rob said...

I so agree on what single mom seeking said…only it must be with a woman.
To be truly fulfilled there has to be more. I believe we are a bit more complex than just the physical side. I may be a bit old school (or emotionally wired); however I believe intimacy should come with commitment so that a deeper foundation can be formed.
I also can’t speak about FWB as I have never gone that route.
Great stuff.