you have been interested in me for 18 months and you haven't asked me out? I was a bit stunned when I asked this question.
His response - I understand and respect that you are a single mom and busy. She is your priority.
She is a priority. She has needs. But... I have needs too!!
Yes, I am the Diva's mom and will always be the Diva's mom, but this does not mean that I am not also an adult who thrives on being an adult, an adult woman at that.
I appreciate his understanding of my situation, but, honestly... moms are women too!!! (Especially this one)
Why is it that once people become parents, being considered sexual adults is no longer a reality? I mean, just because I have a great kid (I had to add that great part in there as she is... great) doesn't mean that I am given up the ghost on the pleasures of life, especially those that include a member of the opposite sex.
It isn't like I am not sexy, fun, creative, passionate, or a great companion. I am ALL of the above. Yet, men find out that I have a kid, sole custody of said kid, and wow... suddenly I am not looking as available as I once was.
I suppose that, in a sense, they have a point. Being a single parent is similar to serving as ring master in the biggest and largest three ring circus. There are always things happening that require ones attention. It is a juggling act at best, so the man who dares to date this mom has to be patient and understanding - he has to understand that he might not see me as much as he likes, but the time I do give him will be worth every minute!
However, before he can find that out, he has to figure out that I am a woman in addition to a mom. Apparently that might be a little more challenging than I thought!
9 comments:
Personally I don't like people who do my thinking for me. I've dated women that have had up to 4 kids. If the woman can't do it I let her tell me. When I hear something like that I would think he really likes you, but wants the Diva out of the picture.
I'd say, write him off and move on. Sorry to be blunt, but the diplomatic response he gave you is no more than an excuse. The truth is, if he really likes you, the fact that your little Diva is a priority won't be a deterrence.
First of all, I don't like a man who decides such things about my life. Just ask me out, and I will be the one to decide if I'm too busy!
Secondly (I love doing this first, second stuff), if a man thinks it's tuff to date a single mom, just ask a married man-parent how tuff it is to date his married wife!
I have to wonder, if you're having these conversations with one or two guys or every guy you know is interested in dating you? :P
You sound someone perplexed about this guy. It would seem to me, by your description, that he's interested in YOU; Not the Diva and everything else that goes along with dating a single-parent.
KennethSF has a point... if a man is making excuses - whatever excuse he uses - he isn't worth your time. Many men wouldn't care AT ALL that you are a single mother... they'd still be vying for any time you would be willing to give them. This one doesn't sound worthy of you.
Hate to be a dissenting voice but can't help but feel you're all being a bit hard on the fellow in question. Asking someone out is an inexact science, at best. If he likes you and is concerned about whether you reciprocate, he might not want to ask the-question-that-may-change-things-forever. Sometimes he who hesitates is saved.
Thanks for all the thoughts. It is always nice to have a few perspectives. I did consider each and, the reality is... well, I have never really shown much interest in him so I can kind of see why he wouldn't say anything. We are, at the end, friends.
But it does make me wonder how many men hesitate before getting involved with a single mom - not because they aren't interested but because of all that comes with it!
of course you are a woman in addition to being the Diva's (fabulous) mom, but speaking as someone who is dating a dad who is also a man, the kid factor can be intimidating - not a deal breaker mind, but intimidating nonetheless
Well, I do hesitate about getting interested with a single mom.
I only have dated once a single mom. Granted, I have based everything on that experience, but also took my friends experiences with single moms as a factor on being cautious.
Believe me that I am not looking to be another number one person in that single mom's life. I can not compete and more often than not it has been decided by the woman that the child is first.
Myself, I am way open to availability of the single mom, but I know some of my other friends are not, in general.
Anyway, I know that if I want to be friends with that woman I will make that effort and consider that the best possibility for me. I will not flirt, unless I see strong flirtation, then I may make the move.
Alas, never has happen though. And yes there have been many single moms I have thought twice about, but never made the relationship more than friends.
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