My mom is not one for giving advice about parenting. She rarely criticizes (and rarely complements) the job that I am doing. I am not sure that she has ever warned me about this or that as many women from previous generations tend to do. For example, older mothers are very fond of telling me about their daughter's teen aged years. These stories would have probably resulted in great birth control at some point in my past but, given that I have a daughter of my own, I usually listen, commiserate, and hope that I will make it through the Diva's adolescence just as they made it through their daughters.
But there are some things that I would have enjoyed knowing:
That there would be days when I have to remember that the bad mood pouring from my Diva's mouth is based upon lack of food and just waking; that I need to ignore it and move on knowing that she will be better in an hour.
That I would get so tired of hearing the word "mom" that I would want to change my name, lose the ability to hear said word, or just... scream!
That there would be nothing more amazing than the sound of my child's laughter, the feel of her hand in mine, or the smile on her face when she is feeling pure joy and delight in life.
That the most difficult moments of parenting would be learning to let go - letting her do things in a crowd on her own or play outside with friends as I did, without thought, when I was her age.
That there is nothing quite like watching a child learn about themselves and find their own way; their own path.
That it is difficult to know when to provide support and when to lead the way and when to provide guidance... and where the line falls between each.
That listening is one of the most important things to give a child; that and the space to be themselves - whether that fits with who we think said child should be or not.
That my carpet would be ruined and remain ruined for years and years!
That walls are wonderful drawing surfaces; that toothpaste drawings are beautiful on mirrors; and that the best scientific experiments involve anything that can be found in the kitchen (to include cat food).
That I would find myself learning more about myself as a person through the eyes and life of my daughter than I ever could on my own.
That with my daughter would come a troublesome ghost named "I don't know." (Who left the light on? ... I don't know)
That my house would feel incredibly empty without her in it.
And oh so many other things...
I suppose that it is hard to give people a "heads up" as to what is going to happen once they have kids as each of us experiences something completely different. I suppose that it is best to let people discover the joys and the challenges, and everything in between for themselves.
5 comments:
In many ways we parents are growing and learning just as much as are our children. We don't see the process as clearly; but, it's there none the less.
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"That I would get so tired of hearing the word "mom" that I would want to change my name, lose the ability to hear said word, or just... scream!"
For what it's worth, I have heard every one of my mom friends say this.
This was a wonderful post. :)
Everything you said there is 200% truth! Been there, done that with my own three kids (now all adults with two of them being "Mom" now as well) and now, I'm enjoying -well, most of the time -going through all of that again as I watch my two younger grandchildren grow and learn -and grow and learn some more! Ain't it grand, though? Wouldn't trade it for the world, would you?
I remember watching a comic's funny routine about how after a kid says "mommy!" more than 10 times, it's like "uh-oh, she's gonna blow."
Being a parent is a blessed challenge with no guarantees. I often say it's the best thing I've done, and I believe that; still, she's gonna blow ...!
That with my daughter would come a troublesome ghost named "I don't know." (Who left the light on? ... I don't know)
I may have known that ghost also.
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