17 July, 2008

Balance

Life is about balance.

The balance of family and work and personal life. The balance of calories and exercise and indulgence. It is about finding that center ground in the midst of the height of joy and the depth of sorrow.

Balance.

The Yin and the Yang.

It seems so easy to look at a life, from the outside, and say... this is were it needs to change, this is where you need to add or eliminate. You need to work less and play more. You need to take more and give less.

From the outside, it is easy to see where the black and white intersect; where one thread needs to move to bring the tapestry into balance. We can see where to manipulate the weights. We can identify the single grain of sand that is throwing everything out of balance.

From the inside, from where I stand in my life at this very moment, finding that balance is not so easy. It isn't even as straight forward as I would like to believe or as I wish it were.

From as far back as I can remember, I have been "responsible." I am a "go to" kind of person. Pro-active, problem solver, confident, if I don't have the answer I will find it. I make things happen. As a parent, this has come in handy as I have utilized all these skills to my advantage and to the benefit of my daughter.

As a woman, these characteristics are creating challenges; challenges that I do not like and fear I can not over come. The problem seems to be getting worse rather than getting better. It is no longer just a challenge in my mind but a problem. And I, for one, am completely unsure as to how to make it better.

I am starting to understand that my strength, confidence, and pro-active nature come across, to men, as assertive and a tad over the top. The men that I tend to attract are not those of a similar mind, but are those who desire these attributes to be a part of my sexuality. They are not seeking a balance, they are seeking me to be more.

I am not more.

They want to see something that isn't there or they want to overlook the aspects of me that are soft and giving and generous, the aspects that need to let go and give the weight and responsibilities to another. I seem to have become a hard, assertive person with everything together instead of a woman who does everything possible to keep things together and yet craves the intimacy and companionship of a partner.

How do I find balance in my own life when those around me - those I attract - add weight to the responsible, pro-active, can do it all side of the scale? Can I achieve balance before I fizzle and burn out completely?

6 comments:

Memphis Steve said...

I have NO balance whatsoever

The Exception said...

MS - That is obvious by your posts! ;)

justrun said...

Ugh. I have no idea. I can't fake it, though-- I know that much.

T said...

Whoa. We sound so much alike.

I think we have to be willing to be "soft and giving and generous" not only sexually but in the rest of our lives as well. If we always come across as "have it all together" women (because we have to be that way), we're going to attract men who want to be babied and taken care of. We have to show some weakness, even though it means taking a risk, in order to find someone who does want to be soft and intimate with us.

I certainly don't mind taking care of a man but this time, I'd like to be nurtured in return.

Great post!

justamansjourney said...

I am not sure how you are “offline”… but I read your blog because I connect with an aspect of it emotionally and intellectually. Balance? I teeter everyday. Just keep being you… it works and when the timing is right everything will work out…or so I believe.

E, I attract similar women…those who have a void and see me as all they lack or need. I avoid those and seek / wait for the one who doesn’t need me to do a darn thing for her…except be there. To be strong when she wants/needs to be weak… To hold when she wants to be held…. To listen when she wants to talk… To be her partner in life… To witness her life as we live it together.

I believe what T says… “We have to show some weakness, even though it means taking a risk, in order to find someone who does want to be soft and intimate with us.” - The hard part is finding that without getting hurt too much along the way. I am tired of the takers myself.

Why can’t I bump into you in Starbucks? LOL

The Exception said...

JR - Balance has to be one of the trickiest aspects of life - balance for ourselves and then ensuring that our kids lives are balanced. It is a big chess game! From what you write - it sounds like you do a great job - the beach, the tractor, the work, the friends!

T - I have never been good at showing a softer side which is odd as I am also treated more like a lady than any of my friends ever were. Contradictions all over the place. I definitely want to be equal if not nurtured just a bit. There are days when I just want to let go and see what happens... but I can't; I don't.

Something to work on!

Just a Man - I am usually at Starbucks around 8:30... I am the one in the fabulous shades!!

Companionship, enrichment, and the knowledge that I am not needed but wanted just as he is a desired part of my life and is comfortable with the reality that I do not need him... without it being an unbalanced relationship. Dreams do come true!