30 July, 2008

What's Good for the Goose...

A few weeks ago, Just Run wrote about the question so many of us dislike; the question that frustrates me to no end when I hear it, especially when asked by a man "Why aren't you married?" or something similar (Why hasn't some guy grabbed you?    Why are you still single?  )
 
One of the benefits of having a child is, I do not hear the question nearly as much as my single friends do.  They hear it, all, the time.  Then there are those who don't hear it because, well, they are great but we kind of know why they aren't married (and the thought that I might be one of those women has not escaped me).
 
In my case, the sympathetic (misplaced I might add) poor you head tilts often come from married friends who believe that life is not complete for anyone if they are not involved in a serious relationship or are not married.
 
"You need to get out and find someone."  I hear quite often.  "I want you to be happy."  because apparently it is not possible or even thinkable that I might be happy (or anyone might be happy) without being in a serious relationship.
 
I admit, there are aspects to a relationship that I would like and desire from time-to-time - the companionship and intimacy that such a situation offers are at the top of my list.  I do not think that these are inherent in a marriage nor do I think that one has to be involved in a long term relationship to find them.
 
One night, when I found myself sleepless in Virginia, I clicked to Honey and Lance and found this - Go, go, go, check it out.  I'll wait.  
 
Now, ready to read on?  Good, let's go!
 
 Could it be possible?  Do such relationships exist beyond Lance?  Is this something that only men can enjoy or can women initiate and enjoy them too?  I was and am intrigued!
 
Lance writes -

My thing is I genuinely like to travel and I want to visit cool cities. So does the girl, so we have a mutual interest there. The right way to do this is by framing it as taking adventures together, and not simply flying into town for a weekend of sex. That works too, but the most value you can offer is by traveling to a cool, third party location and living la vida loca.

I like travel.  I like exploring.  I love destinations and living la vita loca!

What is there not to like about this???

Coming from my perspective, the LDFB is a single parent's (okay, this single parent's) dream!!  We are talking travel, adventure, sex, and a few weekends a year.  There is a plan and time to make arrangements.  It is a true get away with a person you actually enjoy exploring physically, perhaps mentally, and is engaged in this adventure with you!  Like I said, this single parent's dream.

Lance continues -

The sex is not your primary goal here, and it never should be. Your goal is to travel and explore. You want to see the world. You want to enrich your life culturally. Your LDFB is your traveling companion and adventure buddy. The sex is a side benefit.

Adventure ?  Enrichment?  Companionship?  With a buddy?  This is so me!

For those of us who are not looking for a long term relationship or even a serious love interest or marriage... I just don't see the draw backs to this idea/concept.  Except...

Okay, there is an except because I can see how men can pull this off, but can a woman?  Could I?

As in any situation, there has to be a common interest and a mutual desire to travel, to explore, and in one another.  The two involved in this venture have to, for the most part, get along.  I would imagine that there also must be a bit of chemistry - you know, for the benefits because well, isn't that part of the fun?

I would also add, for me, that there would have to be honesty, no strings, but honesty.  The two would have to be upfront about intent, strings, dating other people, and understanding that this is not a long term thing (unless it works and neither finds a serious relationship - which at my age...is possible)  Perhaps mutual respect for one another is the best way I can put it - which includes complete honesty.  It is kind of like a bicoastal fling in various locations with a great friend you see infrequently - but when you get together, the sparks fly and there is adventure to be had.

I don't see that there is anything to lose in this venture, do you?  The question remains, is this something that a woman can initiate or is it something that belongs solidly in the world of men?  You know, like the being assertive and aggressive - the man needs to be the one who pursues a woman and some are definitely put off by the woman pursuing the man?

As intriguing as the idea and concept are, I believe they require more research, a few trial runs, and some consultation with friends over a few glasses of wine.

 

or maybe just some first hand, on the front lines, field research!

4 comments:

said...

I've read Honey and Lance before. That blog always offers an interesting perspective. Its fun to be in a man's mind, isn't it?

I agree with you that what seems to be missing at times is intimacy and companionship. My friends used to bug me about my soldier. They couldn't understand why I felt he was worth waiting for. "Why don't you get out and date? Have some fun right now!"

Well, I do go out and I do have fun but my heart is somewhere else. Why can't people just respect where you are right now?!

I like this concept but I'm afraid that I'd get hooked. If it sounds perfect for you, go for it girl! Make it happen!! Then blog about it and give us the juicy stuff! :)

Crazy Computer Dad said...

The cure for the common relationship? ;-)

I think there is a time and a place in our lives for all kinds of relationships. Sometimes we try a little too hard or not enough and get into trouble.

I know I love to travel, I love adventure, and I love to be with anyone that is as into it as I am. Add great sex to exotic or interesting places and you have the stuff dreams are made of right? It can be hard to find. It is even harder to find someone that matches with income and parental responsibilities. :-)

The Exception said...

T - It is the idea that I like more than anything else.
The idea that it is scheduled adult time with adventure and great companionship while traveling... *sigh*


CCD - Okay, you just had to mention that "income" thing!

JustRun said...

For me, it's always a double-edged sword when it comes to travel. On this last trip, I realized how much I really NEED my alone time. Either that or I've just become used to it, used to determining my own day.
BUT, I also love having good travel partners. Then, when you add the element of a travel partner that might also be something more, that could have all the potential of greatness, or disaster.