Sometimes I think I talk too much. I am so concerned about ensuring that my point of view is understood that I don't realize that I am probably wearing out the issue. I don't see that the person has stopped listening because I have gone on and on and on... At no time is this more poignant than when I am engaged in a disagreement. There are times when I want to go silent; to use the silent treatment as my frontline. But such a strategy seems impossible for me; I communicate my issues; I believe whole heartedly in talking it through and clearing the air.
I remember, as a kid, using the silent treatment to demonstrate my disapproval of something a friend had done to me. There is something about treating someone as if they aren't there that can be worse than expressing anger or emotion in another way.
Adults often outgrow the use of the silent treatment. When we are angry or hurt, we tend to find other means of demonstrating that emotion - crying, shouting, yelling, throwing things, removing ourselves from the situation... and many other ways. Sitting and ignoring another is often not the first choice on our list.
Or perhaps it is, but instead of ignoring someone when they speak etc, we ignore them physically.
For some this means the cold shoulder. Others deny their partner affection perhaps not considering the power of the tool they are using. I hear of so many using it though. Women and men alike, choosing to deny their partner affection or physical touch to make a point; holding their partner at arms length rather than finding a means of communicating the issues at hand. This seems like a weapon or a tool used for manipulation to me. I have always thought of sex as a means of communicating or of uniting rather than as something to be with held or denied.
What motivates people to use sex in such a manner? Using sex as a means of manipulation is a tactic that I don't truly understand. Is it based in fear, insecurity, or something entirely different? Does the person using it understand the results of employing such a sensitive weapon?